Soemthing for ME

MEN!
That’s all I could say
I really don’t understand how someone can promise to have and to hold, to care for and to cherish for someone till death does them part only for one person to renege on that promise and well, show you they don’t give a hoot what happens to you
And still we love them
Well, they say as much about us and they still love us too
BUT I ask – is it really love or it’s now just a living relationship
The love is gone and what’s left is that certificate on the wall or tucked in some file or safe somewhere that still binds you to that other person
Actually I see many do it for the kids and society at large
I was upset to say the least about how a husband treated their wife the other day
It just was not right
I suppose in his rage he never thought about tomorrow
That’s one thing couples many times forget about
TOMORROW
Tomorrow we will be seen together again in society together as a couple
Tomorrow I still have to go to work
Tomorrow I still have to face people who were the audience when we had our fight
That may sound like shielding the reality from the world
I believe it’s protecting the one you love from the world
There are some things that are best known by the two of us only
Friends, workmates, school mates, the congregation etc do not need to know some of the stuff that happens between the two of us
But men being men just have to be seen and heard
I really wonder how they live with themselves after dressing down their partner in public
I have to admit the dressing down in public is also common to women
Women do it to their husbands too
I think for women it’s a power/control thing
But I digress, I’m going on about men in this post
So as I drove home I couldn’t help turning up the volume when Toni’s song Let it flow came on
I truly believe that at some point one has to let go
I know it’s not easy but sometimes it has to be done
Yes, there are years and history and kids and all the other stuff, but girl you need peace
Will you believe it that the next song I chose to stop on was Michal learns to rock’s breaking my heart
Okay, okay, I scrolled to it coz that’s just the kind of music I felt would soften my heart
I was that irked by that situation
The song that got me home was Mary J’s take me as I am
The song I then said I’ll start on the next day back to work was still Mary J’s Enough crying
Well, the next day I wasn’t so vengeful so I just took it nice and slow.
But when the song came up I couldn’t help pumping up the volume
You just have to take a stand- sometimes
Not all the time.
I think I'll be enjoying myself with the girls this weekend at Mary J's show

Sister's sometims just need to take a stand:)

Giving

I just liked this line said by someone in a comedy.
'The essence of giving is reciprocity. Thus u haven't given me a gift, u've given me an obligation.'
Not sure if it's original but I think I'll use it for th essence of my next post when I get time 2 write.
PS: I'm elated coz I managed 2 configure email on my 4ne.

Instigation

Instigate (v.) - bring about, initiate, set off, prompt, start, activate, originate

So says my thesaurus. A person asks a question to which you give and answer
You answer truthfully without any reservations
You wholly believe in what you say
You do not know that the person asking that question is trying to instigate you
They are trying to get you into action
You actually get into action because there’s now almost no way for you to back down from what you said a second ago
Of course you said whatever not knowing the intentions of the person who asked
So you answered with conviction and people actually heard you say those things and they’ve formed an opinion of how you would react given a situation close or similar to the on presented in the question
So you act
They initiated an action
Want an example to make clear this mud?
A: ah, so now since XYZ is grown up you no longer break his food into little chunks
B: actually no, we still break it into chunks so that he can eat properly. The last time someone gave XYZ un broken food he just took all of it from the plate and went under a tree to see how best to tackle the food. He ended up throwing it away as it was now unpalatable
A: So it’s CDE who’s going to feed XYZ?
B: Yes but sometimes he’s a problem as he gives XYZ food when he’s too hungry to feed properly
A:Well CDE just went out with a plate fuul of unbroken food to feed XYZ
The end.
I hope the water’s now just murky coz of the mud but clarity is better than mud.
There are people like that who\ll push you into doing something about something that you’ve been turning a blind eye to or just were not aware of
They feel that you ought to do something but they cannot say directly what they want you to do and so will get to it in a roundabout fashion
Actually for some people they’re so good at it they’ve perfected it to almost an art
But be careful who you prompt into action
They just might turn around on you and gang up with the person against whom action was meant to be directed as they would have read your intentions way before you finished laying out your plan.
Don’t say I never warned you
It’s an art akin to politics
More subtle but almost that much more destructive when used aptly.
I never said that.

The act

People are the best pretenders
It’s one of the worst realisations I have of people as I walk thru this life.
I see this world as a stage
Many of us are actors and actresses most of the time
When we’re off stage we are the audience but we like to be part of the action so much we’re always near the stage
We drift sometimes unknowingly
We’re so much in character most of the time such that our fictional characters become our real characters
I think we’ve gotten to a point where it’s difficult to distinguish the audience from the actors/esses
The stage is so diverse and complicated such that we constantly interchanging places
At some point we’re on stage and at others we think we’re off stage
Behind the curtains there is always someone and that someone mostly is just our conscience
The audience is at its peak when we throw in the towel and for the moment we surrender and want to see what happens next
This act irritates me to say the least
The play that has been playing on the stage I’m sitting across most of the day has a play on friendship
The actors/esses see themselves as the audience and they rarely quit the stage to rest as they believe they might miss something of the act
These friends of mine act surprised when I do not bat an eyelid when they forget about me and I don’t complain about it
I’ve accepted that’s what life is like
People pretend o be your friends so that they appear to be in good company
They do it also so that they get to be close to you
They come close so that when they attack they hurt you where it pains the most
And all this is done in the name of friendship
I really do not know what people get from the pain of someone
But whatever it is what keeps this act going.

Change

For the life of me, I cannot remember what it is exactly that showed me that I sometimes have problems with change
Yes, ME, of all people
I really thought I was that receptive to change, but that incident really showed me that there is some hard part of me that almost naturally resists change
I guess it’s also to do with some routines which you so get used to and viola! Before u know it, you resist change
The norm is usual
I admit, change is difficult
But many times we have to go through it
I guess it all boils down to this
If you want something that you’ve never had, maybe you need to do something you’ve never done
NOTE I write maybe:)

Unpalatable

If there is one thing that I’ve now managed to live with despite it being unsavoury, it’s work politics
I’m really not meant to dwell on it but I think it now deserves a post.
Watch this space!

Back online

If I had anyone actively following my posts, I apologise.
I had exams last week and I was swotting for the past two weeks
I was totally under time pressure such that even when I went into an internet café I only managed to look at blog just once
I was tempted to write but I couldn’t face regretting having spent ten minutes blogging when I could have been swotting
Summary- I’M BACK!
I hope that new posts will have a zing to them and I’ll be a more regular blogger than I’ve been in the past
Needless to say there’s loads to write about but time! Time! Time!
But I will do my best

My Birthday

So I’ll do a scheduled post to come out on my birthday
Why?
I’ve already started receiving presents for it
Well, just one so far
But it’s worth a post
For now, thank you.

Stress kills

I’m not alarmist, but I know that is a fact
I don’t have cases in point but I know it kills
For the third time in as many months I said ‘chakafukidza dzimba matenga’ yesterday to my aunt
We were discussing about the circumstances around a family member’s illness
They just went haywire the other day and the family said they’d gone mad
Now when you look at the circumstances around this said person,
I don’t wonder why what happened to them happened
Everyone reaches a breaking point and I know mine
When people push you there’s a limit to which you’ll go along
After a certain point you just will not take it
You will either break down or fight back
Breaking down is what people actually expect you to do
Fighting back, they’re never prepared for it unless you’ve done it before along the same road
Usually the road is different so they actually bet how you’ll breakdown
You’ll pack your bags, you cry foul or you’ll just give in to what they wanted you to do in the first place
People are indeed selfish
They never think about anyone further than themselves most of the times
They worry about their public image
They worry what people will think about them
They seldom ask what people think about them
Actually, they don’t want to know hat people think about them
They want people to think about them the way they want them to
I stop before the tangent becomes too wide.
When someone does what’s not expected of them and they have to deal with the situation they are now in, not many people genuinely support them
Support, not in the sense of condoning them, but in the sense of helping them through the difficult phase they will be going through
We all make mistakes at some time
Admittedly, it’s not easy to accept some of the mistakes people make
Especially when they are family, especially children under one’s roof
But that’s why we are human
I have a problem when a Christian openly says they forgive someone’s error and will be there to support them all the way
Support they do, till the person they’re in company with leaves
After that, they start condemning the person in secret to everyone but openly to the said offender
The picture outside is rosy but inside it’s a different story
The person who made a mistake will be paying for their mistake daily
They’re reminded of what they did and what they should have done
They’re told daily of the inconveniences they’ve imposed on the family
They’re a burden to the family
They’ve messed up the picture of the family
They silently pay for their mistake by the daily admonitions
On the outside people think that the offender is eating themselves up over a mistake they’ve been forgiven of not knowing that they never were forgiven and probably never will
They wither silently as they cannot talk against a person whom to the outside world extended the olive leaf and continues to even shun discussion of the matter as it was forgiven and should be forgotten
I hate such double standards, but it’s something I’ve seen continue daily in our existence
Sometimes the offender will be brave enough to start over and start a new life away from the family as they know they will not survive under such conditions
My awe is at the secret keepers
The ones who have two faces- one for the public and another for the offender
They have a hard act to keep up
They also are stressed with how they have to carry on
All their actions have to be in check so that people will never know the real truth
It’s a sad situation that has been perpetrated over the ages and unfortunately my sex is to blame more for that
We keep things inside and there is this evil vengeance that has to be satisfied all the time we lie that we’ve forgiven someone
The ‘stronger’ sex has the public on their side and it’s expected that they will not forgive and so they do not bother expressing their true opinion
The public acts in a manner that declares that they cannot forgive the offender so even if they forgive the person they have nothing to deal with as the public has already decided on how they will treat the matter
Oh! How I wish we all would be true to ourselves and to others
The burdens we carry with us daily take their toll on s and people declare ‘that’s what mothers/women are like, cares and worries of the family wear them down and so we should love them more even if they err sometimes’
I’m not for the school of accepting ‘norms’ as some of these norms are just wrong
I believe we dissolve into oblivion because of being the normal accepted being of society
I will be me and not lie or stress.
We have heavy enough loads as it is without deception
So be true to truth and have a happy, stress free life.

Stress kills

Foreign foods

After this you can call me myopic or alarmist but at least you’ll know my line of thought
It’s weird the number o chicken brands we now have in our local store
Weird coz I’m down here in little old Zimbabwe and I’m seeing Brazilian chicken
And it costs almost half the price of local chicken
Hold on!
There’s got to be a catch somewhere
I stroll to the laundry section and I hear a comment
“Ah! Sipo yeblue yadzoka (the blue soap is back)”
The lady next to the one commenting on soap is examining the back of a laundry powder box
They’re looking for the manufacturer’s address
Another man at the end of the isle is asking for real milk, not this one from a carton
Foreign things have invaded our market especially in the past year
We couldn’t produce things that we needed to get by so imports increased
Little did we know that down the line we’ll have the task of looking for Zimbabwe on the label so that we are happy with our purchase
Yes we had shortages hence the influx of imports to ease the ‘lack’
But today not many of us will not have misgivings when they buy that takeaway chicken
If anything, people now consciously choose beef
And there’s this misnomer -that people got wrong but for the wrong reasons they made the right choice
It seems the general populous has no idea what RDA means on a food package
Mealie meal was the first product to flood the market as sadza is our staple and we didn’t have enough grain to provide adequate supplies of the stuff
The mealie meal we got was whiter than the local variant and the grains were either large when cooked or just too fine
The result was not the kind of sadza that we’re used to
Then some wise someone had the presence of mind to read the labelling on the pack
They figured that “ % RDA for persons age 13 and older” meant that their 10year old kid wasn’t meant to eat it as it wasn’t good enough for them
Then when things were much better the chickens came in
Beef always was cheaper than chicken as chicken was somehow special meat and beef was the staple by default
But in came the cheap chickens and people flocked to buy them
I remember when I first cooked imported chicken
Try as I might to fry it properly, it wouldn’t, it’d just brown a bit almost burning it
It’s a queer texture
It’s meat alright but I prefer my local chicken, even if it’s not free range
I used to wonder what all the fuss was about organic foods
They tend to be more expensive to the extent that a normal household can barely afford them
Then I look at why people have opted for Gm food in the states
I think it’s just a case of poverty and money
The ones taking the food cannot afford the organic alternative so they buy the GM variant
Then since they’re used to it and they don’t see anything wrong with them or their offspring, they say it’s OK and people are just exaggerating this stuff on side effects about GM food
But I look at the average Zimbabwean and I just cannot but marvel at their faith in another human being
They don’t trust that nothing will happen to them or their offspring in generations to come
They look at mainly the South Africans and they say the reason they’re that big body wise is becoz of the kind of food they eat
And to some extent I agree
Nothing is for free
Someone once told me that there’s nothing such as a free lunch
The other party will get something out of that ‘free’ lunch so it won’t be free
So it is with these imports
They sail across oceans and seas and they still land cheaper than the local product
Yes, the normal supply and demand rules apply but what if supply is excessive such that prices are pushed down to the detriment of local produce?
I may go on forever but I think I’m not being paranoid when I say there’s a catch and I look forward to reading ‘conspiracy of the rich’ as soon as I’m done with my exams
What looks like help from one side is actually stealing when looked at from the right perspective and not form the eyes of the one in need
There’s all to gain by having new markets and once people develop habits it’s difficult to wean them off
But I’ll say hats off to my fellow Zimbos
They’ll look the gift horse in the mouth coz we ain’t used to riding horses so why are we getting it?
All this GM stuff is playing with nature and I shudder when someone says ‘yes, it’s playing God, but we’ve been doing it for hundreds of years’
Maybe I’ve watched too many sci-fi movies and read too much into conspiracy theories
But trust don’t come easy from people like us
And that’s the thing I like about being African
Though backward people may view us, we’re much safer and saner that way
I make my own world.
It almost gets me to start on “vakadzi vatorwa” but that’s another post for another blog.

In pursuit of utopia

Many a time we say we’re waiting for Mr Right or looking for Miss Right
But just the other day I asked myself- I want the perfect partner but what about me?
Will I be their perfect partner?
Do I measure up to the profile that I’m demanding or wishing for?
Am I not expecting someone else to be better at what I myself know will not be able to achieve?
Bottom line is - are we realistic in our dreams and hopes of our partner for life
Never get me wrong here! I’m not saying settle for anything but take time to know that “love lets us view imperfections as tolerable if not adorable”
There’s a quote attributed to Mother Theresa “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

I’ve come to realise that some of the many scenes that we see on the wide screen as regards relationships are not that far fetched
Maybe the end has too much syrup to make the picture perfect, but the underlying relationships mirror what actually happens day to day
I was watching “The family that preys” and it got me thinking
(I’m now in love with the song I hope you dance)
Just how many women out there wish they had a better man than the one they actually have?
How many secretly wish their hubby was like the man they work with
I guess it’s to do with not accepting the fact that what’s on our plate is all you have
What’s on the plate next to you is not yours, and fro relationships you cannot get any left overs from there
Be satisfied with what’s in front of you
After all, you served yourself at the buffet
I don’t know why people expect their partners to change into what they want
Why not just look for the person with all that you’ll need?
There’s no guarantee they will change into what you desire coz what they are is IT
They’re the final thing
Try as you might to hint that they ought to carry themselves that way
They ought to change the way they do things
They ought to have more passion for life
Chances are they’ll only tolerate you for a while and settle down to whom they are
And then the infidelity begins
You see someone else as what you desire and you ensure they’re for the taking
Work is the place that most relationships blossom much
Why?
You spend so much time with these guys
You end up seeing them as the ideal person there ought to be
When you get home you see someone else
You see the person who still hasn’t changed into what you want
And you start drawing away
Gradually things fall apart
I pray for my future hubby coz I’ve seen it ain’t easy
Those around you influence you to some extent whether we like to acknowledge it or not
Don’t agree?
Rewind at what you blurted out the last time you had an argument with someone close –even a friend or a relative
You said things that you believed stayed in your subconscious but becoz they’d ticked you off bid time it came out
You never meant to say it coz it’d hurt them but it came out - some how- involuntarily
We all have our flaws
Ponder this - Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

Refusal

I have had prayers answered--most strangely so sometimes--but I think our heavenly Father's loving-kindness has been even more evident in what He has refused me.

 

      -- Lewis Carroll

 

 

I can relate to this.

I guess it’s all part of life.

Actually, I believe that is life.

When I look back and reflect on what relationships I’ve at some point brooded over,

I breathe a sigh of relief and say “I’m glad it ended when it did”

Sometimes we whine over things we wish we had

We envy others at times

But look at the present and look at all those “lost opportunities”

Aren’t you glad that you didn’t go for that function?

Aren’t you glad you didn’t go for that lunch date?

Aren’t you relieved you arrived late for that event?

Aren’t you glad someone else went in your place?

Aren’t you happy you didn’t change jobs that time?

The events that God shielded us from loss are many if we just look and accept that it was His hand that stopped you at the right time to avoid the disaster that happened.

I thank God for all my unanswered prayers

They’re not all refusals

Many are ‘not yet”.

Do as I say

You know it’s difficult at times to truly live according to one self’s maxims on life

Sometimes it’s not by choice but it does happen

We tend to expect others to be better than us

Now that’s a noble idea

But in the yes of others, do you know hat it simply says?

You live by do as I say and not as I do

That’s just how life is sometimes

When we look at someone else’s life it’s easy to be the judge and arbiter

But when we rate ourselves we go easy and justify most of our actions

Just reflect and you’ll see that at times you are just like most of us

Today I really wanted to start reading the book ‘The Art of War’

Why?

Somehow I’d just decided that it’s game on!

Someone got on my nerves recently and I’d decide to fight back

Then on closer introspection and cross examining my intentions

I stopped dead in my tracks

Am I not number one person to cry “forgive!”, “do unto others as you would want them to do unto you”

Then what was I about to do?

I’d have been the bigger fool actually

I’m glad I now take inventory before I do anything

Tomorrow

Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.

-- Marcus Aurelius

Time

Time has no divisions to mark its passage, there is never a thunder-storm or blare of trumpets to announce the beginning of a new month or year. Even when a new century begins it is only we mortals who ring bells and fire off pistols.

-- Thomas Mann