Chills, shiver ,I KNOW

There are times when I get the chills about life
Serious , I sometimes do.
It’s strange how at times someone’s life mirrors yours
Or how someone’s opinion is just like yours
Sometimes I think I’m being paranoid
How can what’s happening in some person’s life be what’s happening in yours
When you start talking about the sad stuff in your life
They start finishing your sentences and you know where they’re heading
It’s like the two of you share the same sad life

Then other stuff happens and you think someone’s the cause of that
Then sometime later you get to know YES! it was them
It’s a cruel circle, this life, I sometimes think
It’s just not right that I can get into your life and know what’s happening without you saying
And vice versa

Could it be becoz of the sad situations?
Maybe the writer of all these sad situations just doesn’t have that much creativity and they just keep on repeating the same old scenes
Must be!
Otherwise how come I have solutions to situations I’ve never been in and someone else knows what’s the matter with my life

Ever had situations when someone just hits the spot that’s bothering you without you telling them
They just seem to know
They’re not even that close to you, yet the sense something’s amiss
It gives me the shivers sometimes
How can I just know all that stuff?
Chilling
What I DO know is that the multiplicity of good situations has never ending permutations
And the silly person responsible for bad things isn’t creative
SO expect the unexpected in life and when u’re down and think u’re out
Someone has the answer even though they’ve never been there
Trust me here. I KNOW.

A nice mess

I’m on a roll, so it seems.
Could be due to absence from my pet loves.
N way on I’ll forge.

It’s a nice mess I’m going thru
Nice coz it’s not bad but it’s still a mess
It’ll get sorted one by one as I decide what to prioritise
Just made a count and it’s 48days till I turn thirty.
!!!!!!!
Yes, I actually remember 52 days ago when I realised from outta nowhwer that it wa s100 days till 30.
I’ve grown
I actually love that.
It may not be what I’d have chosen were life picked off the counter, but given a chance to go back……..I wouldn’t
It’s OK as it is.
A nice mess.
A nice , rubbish, confusing, intriguing, loveable MESS
Thru messes I’ve grown and I’m loving it
Yeah at times I’m down but not out
Stopped that a long time ago
I’m no longer after exhilarating fun
Just simple fun
I’m OK with little
I’m great with a lot
I’ve got everything I need right now
Debateable
Not with youJ
Crazy I sound, crazy I may be, BUT crazy you’d never suspect.
I don’t let on much yet I’m so open with a lot.
Paradoxical?
No, that’s ME.
A cute mess.

WE will get there

Well what goes around does come around, I still stand by that.
Been doing a lot of reminiscing and thinking and brooding
and the result?
I'm now a bit despondent about life.
Honestly how can things just turn to be the way they are?
One day you're smiling and the next you're meant to be crying.
You just don't let the tears come out coz u're used to putting up a front
It's now almost permanent armour
I know , I know
Life's not all that bad.
I don't agree.
It's not that bad coz it ain't bad AT ALL
It's people
We use each other
We abuse each other
We love each other
We hate each other
We need each other
We're all out to survive
Survival instinct?
NO!
It' just plain meanness
We're not born mean, unloving, unkind, cunning
We develop
We want to survive so we say
We want to be on top of things always
REALLY?
NO!
WE'VE DECIDED WHAT WE WANT TO BE, HOW WE WANT TO BE ALWAYS
The halfway point?
Nope.
WE've decided
It's all because of us
How can hate get to such a level?
How can care be so absent?
How can you JUST stop being human?
How can one JUST stop caring?
How can one be devoid of love?
WE JUST decide.
It was all there and WE give up
WE lose hope
WE no longer trust
WE believe no one cares so we might as well join the mob
I can make a difference
YOU can make a difference
It all starts with just one petition in earnest.
Then pray for someone else to be able to join you
In unison WE can make a difference
We can still love
WE can still make a difference
Just a little while and WE will get there

Back n sold out

Been offline for quite some time.
I could say much has happened
It wouldn't be a lie
It's just whether the significance warrants a post.
Some of it doesn't so I'll leave it.

To note - my phone got lost on the day of "Life's good" post,
My dearest friend in the UK gave me a blessing when she paid for my fees on 31/3/8
On 5/4/8 I was at a wedding sitting next to the pastor’s wife and we chatted about marriage. Bottom line, I need to get a life.
My dearest friend from the UK visited me at work on 29/4/8 and I spent the day with her family on 1/5/8
We should be going out tonight and find out what’s happening at HIFA.
I really wanted to go for the Freshlyground show tonight but I looked for tickets too late.
Sold out.
Will go for another show instead but left the time slot free
Just in case we get tickets.
It’s just one of those things I do spontaneously.
Not much thought to it but focus on fun.
Yep, I do that at times.

I’m grateful for my circle of friends coz they just make me.
They made me the way I am to some extent and they continue shaping me.
I’m sorry that I sometimes neglect them.
It’s not intentional but it does happen at times.
I’ll work hard on that.

Disappointed

23/4/8
This just isn't doing. Kuitawo here nhai?
I'm disappointed, I think that's what it is.
Disappointment.
It's one of those things you never expect from some people.
Maybe becoz I've put them on some of pedestal.
not really.
I just look up to those guys and I expect a bit much from them.
I'm human after all.
Judge and thou shall not be judged, right?
I'm willing to be judged by the measure I use at the least.

My story?
Heard this morning that a local preacher committed suicide yesterday.
He's a man I looked at as one of those truly blessed people.
He was a powerful preacher.
Apparently he had marital issues
But still, suicide.
I'm disappointed.
that's just a NO-NO for me.
You just don't do that.
I know things can get to that stage.
Bu still, suicide's not the way out.

How will you face Him?
Will you even be allowed to see Him?

It's difficult for me to say things got to that stage and he couldn't turn back.
this is just one of those things I'll put on the list of questions to God.
I just need to know how such happens and how He lets it be.
Maybe I was expecting too much, but I don't think so.
He was a role model fro the youth and the about to be married guys.
And for aspiring preachers- you just wanted that powerful voice
And be able to move people the way he did.

Why am I saying it's just not right.
this is just one of those weapons used by the devil to put us down.
How many are like me?
Disappointed by a man of the cloth?
Will I still look up to any other person the way I did him?
Will I expect that much from a mere mortal?

That's the real battle.
My trust.
Man's trust.
It's never been in man.
It's always been in Him.
I just trust His creation to some extent and expect that much from them.
Just that much.
And if they fail?
Well, I keep on trying and bank questions for THAT DAY.
Ah well, I guess life can be complicated at times and we do have very different breaking points.
We still have the choice.