Really?

Up to now I didn't really believe there are people who are there just to be used as ur torture vessels. And many seem to be happy just doing that. I didn't think being here again would make me this homesick. I miss home. Much more so becoz most of the people this side just smile out of necessity and it's not from the heart. If they only meant half of what they said that's not intent on malice. Oh, God I need You now. Please help me through the rest of my days in this country. Amen.

Another sad day

I sit here with a heavy heart as I write this blog
I remember sometime back someone said out of all the people they know, I was the one who had had the most funerals
Strange but true
I have lost loved one and loved ones of friends so beloved
Today I was shocked to hear that a dear friend’s brother passed away in the early hours of today
He was still waiting to be admitted into hospital after complaining of a headache
This all happened so fast
People at the funeral were all shocked as most of them had interacted with the deceased at some point yesterday
He as well
And today he’s dead
What pains me is my friend
Yes I was close to his brother but to imagine the pain my friend is going through just makes me shed tears
Their mother passed away in March this year
I never expected that she’d die considering what had put her in hospital
She’d slipped at home sometime last year and fractured her ankle
Then this year she just had high blood pressure at some point and then the leg gave her some problems and when we were expecting to hear that she’d been discharged from hospital, we hear she’s passed on
My friend is a girl who’s off the continent for some studies
I was the one to break the news of her mum’s passing
When I called her I assumed that she’d been told
When I realized she didn’t know I just felt she had to know
Little did I know that her relatives wanted to break the news when she arrived at the airport under the pretext of coming to see her mum who’d been taken seriously ill
When I went to the funeral and broke the news that I’d told her of the funeral I couldn’t take the pain I’d caused
I took time talking to fiends just to get over the episode and when she flew down here for the funeral I couldn’t stop myself from crying all over
It was just unbearable
Then today I learn of her brother’s death
I was shocked
His death was something that just happened out of the blue
Yes he complained of a headache late yesterday but I don’t believe anyone thought that was the last time they’d be seeing him alive
I take the pain of the loss
I feel the pain
It is just not fair
The mum passed away barely seven months ago and now the eldest child passes on without as much as an ailment to make anyone think they could die from it
Five hours is all the pain he endured and the time his younger brother was on his side hoping to get assistance for the elder brother who suddenly had a headache that he could not live with
Yes aI accept that when our time comes we will die
But the way we’re taken is just not fair on those who are left behind
Children are taught how to grow up too soon
People cope with pain in ways they never thought they could manage
Yes, God is with us
But allow me to cry for my dear friend and her family
It is just too much pain for one year
It is just too much pain for a child to bear whilst they are on their own in a foreign country
It is too much for a child to bear as they wonder about their elder sister who’s all alone and they had been staying as two brothers with the other siblings at work or with their married family
It is just too much dear Lord
Please ease the pain and please give them a time of rest
A time when they can heal and not wait to see who is taken away next
Please dear God, give them some rest for them to heal as a family and once again form the bond they had as a family
Please let them have some time to regroup and try to cover the gaps left by their mum and their brother
Please God, allow them time to grow as children and make some memories to share and reminisce about when they are much older
Please God, let them live for some time without death walking into their family
Dear God, for now I seek rest for this family
For now, I seek your comfort and grace
For now I seek life for this family.

The past

It's a shame that some people use people for their benefit
At some point we had friends who to us dearly clung and we so cherished
But now outsiders ask what happened
The friends no longer resemble a shadow of the friendship past
Something happened and they just do not see you as a friend anymore
Quietly we accept that it's what life throws our way
Friends come and go
But is that how we present our friendship
Should it wither that fast ?
My only payer is that I never become a seasonal friend and be seen as someone who uses others for their benefit
It's painful when someone just shuns you off when you stuck by them during their darkest hour
I guess life happens
People's true colours come out EVENTUALLY
I pray all the untrue friends some out sooner than later
They need to be in my past.
They are past.

Beginnings

There’s a common statement “the important thing is that you start”
I think it’s an AA line when people want to stop a habit and begin something new
A fresh start
That’s what I kinda need
A new beginning
Really?
Yes.
I had just been procrastinating and starting a blog that I wouldn’t finish and say tomorrow
Well, that tomorrow is today
And so I begin!
This is my first blog in a line of many to come.

They really don't care

It’s been a while since I last blogged anything but 2day I just had to coz my blog title says it all
Oh! What a life!!!!!!!
What a life people lead behind the screens we daily interface with
Shiny shoes and glittering lips, but if only we knew the real people we spend most of our lives with
It goes without saying that people pretend most of their lives they even forget they’re pretending and what they pretend to be is what they eventually become
Pretend?
Yes
People do at work what they don’t do at home
Just today we were talking about that and I gave an example of who people dump sugar into their cups at work
Surely they don’t consume that much at work
And just then someone came back from their tea break and someone commented that they thought that the person come shaving had breakfast at home
They said, what? Why would they waste their resources at home when they can use the ones from work
See?
They do at work what they do not do at home
And so it is with the rest of their life
They pretend about little things and it becomes easier with each next ‘little’ thing until they can pretend to be someone coz that’s who can fit into the work environment and they become someone else
What brought this on?
A revelation about some people and what they get up to at work with people they work with
When you look at the people they’re almost like you and me except that there’s just something about them that one doesn’t like so one doesn’t really admire them but they can tolerate them
After all, we’re at work so people will not be their real self
But, wait a minute
Whne will we get to see the real person
There’s someone who coined a phrase along the lines that live your life as God would want you to be as to someone you’re the only Bible they’ll get to read
Deep huh?
It passes my understanding how one can sell their body so to speak
And this selling is not like they’re on the market or any such stuff
NO!
They just have a fling with this person coz they seem to like them and when they don’t like them they move on to the next person
Man!
Are we already living in the days of Sodom and Gomorrah?
It’s just despicable what people will get to do just to be on top
I thought the term sleeping your way to the top was only applicable to the movies and comedies, but as of today, I know it’s true in a world near me
The other time someone told me about people who were sleeping around I was surprised and shocked to say the least
They’re not people I suspected would ever fit into that mould
But, you never know anyone for as long as you don’t spend a lifetime with them
People are just fakes
I know people who were my friend for the season that they wanted to get something from me or know about someone that was close to me
But when they had all the info they wanted
We smile at each other and go our separate ways
I could ramble forever on people but I’ll stop
Today I was fully convinced I will get to write a book about the people I’ve come across in my life
Believe u me, if a movie is written, it will be a show stopper and a blockbuster albeit being based on a true story- the true story of life around me
Life truly is unbelieveable

Preparation, patience & obedience

Someone once I cannot be a good teacher as they said I was impatient. I responded by saying I was only impatient with them at times when I know they just want to test how far my patience will stretch
Then when it comes to endurance I must say it’s a mission I take on with a lot of complaining
So this time after I had said all my cares, worries and troubles, they gave me sound advice and words of wisdom
They told me about how the children of Israel didn’t want to listen to God when He told them where to settle as they journeyed through the wilderness
They saw the green pastures and fields and thought they were better of settling there than in the rocky hills where there was no plush pasture for their flock
Basically they saw the greener grass and wanted to settle there
After all, why settle for less when better is right in front of you
What they did not understand was that there was a reason why God wanted then to be at the hilltops
It was for their safety
They would see the enemy as they approached and would be able to fight him without him knowing he’d been seen
But they wanted the greener grass
I guess it happens with us many times
We are disobedient as what we can see is what we really ought to be getting and not the promise which we cannot see and has not materialized for anyone that we know
You really never know what God has planned for you but you can trust His judgment and choice
It’s difficult at times when things seem to always work against you but remember, the darkest hour is before dawn.

Patriotic?

I love my country and all that's in it.
That's a FACT.
Right now I haven't been anywhere that I'd like to stay in
To be fair, there are places that I'd like to visit
And then there are places that I think I may like living in
but from what I've seen and know,
So far home is the best
We're blessed with lovely weather and loving people
We're blessed with freedom of religion
Seriously, what more can one ask for?

Snakes in the grass

I'm suprised at the human species. There are many of them whom you'd
vouch for as being good people but they're just snakes in the grass.

Casually married

I was shocked to say the least
I was hugely disappointed
In life there are many things one takes for granted
For myself I view people as good at first then bad after I interact with them
This sounds very naïve, but I generally feel everyone needs love at some point
So I give them before I get to know them
My disappointment is over people I never assumed have casual sex
Yep, I had out them on a pedestal that maybe they didn’t deserve
But hey, I’m human and I love to love
It’s just strange to me how one can have casual sex just like that
I sort of understand the male race
But for females
Shame on us girls!
It just puts one girl on a level that males will never let her rise from
Once involved in casual sex, any man who gets to find out will view you with that at the back of their minds, (if not at the fore)

I say strange as some of the people who do such profess to be Christians
An excuse would be if you had a crush on this single guy and you just couldn’t help yourself
But a married man
Argghh!!!

The bad about finance in marriage

It seems right now I’ll be mostly venting my thoughts on relationships
(Those of married couples may top the list)
I don’t understand a lot about them as I’m not yet in one or been in one but I just have to make my observations and vent my opinion
How can a man father a child and then expect the mother to pay for the child’s fees alone when they both work?
What happened to the ideal that the man takes care of the wife and family?
Twenty first century or whatever, the man still has his duties
He just cannot forgo his duties when he can carry them out
Finance is one of the top most reasons why marriages either don’t work out or why couples argue in relationships
It’s not an easy area to tread but one has to venture into that area well ahead of the two of you starting a family otherwise one can only imagine the worst
I’ve been to enough kitchen parties to know that this is an area not so worked on that will bring problems early in the relationship
It usually happens when there are two pay checks that don’t have much of a gap in between.
When there’s just the husband’s pay check things are a bit easier as there’s generally one person who dishes out the dough and maybe dictates how it’s spent
The case with two pay checks that are almost similar has many ways that it can be dealt with
Some opt to pool resources and come up with a budget
Some opt that the man’s check is what keeps everything else going and the wife’s is what’s used for the groceries
Some will say the wife’s check chip’s in as and when there’s a deficit otherwise how it’s spent is the wife’s choice
Usually in such cases the wife spends it on herself and shouldn’t expect the hubby’s check to take care of her hair, wardrobe and such things
The case where there’s a gap the wife’s is usually not even considered and it’s up to the wife what to do with her check
Then there’s this unique case where the difference is actually known but two checks exist
The couple agrees what to put into the pool and they agree on a spending budget
Still in such a case there also is a scenario where the wife and hubby have nothing agreed but each somehow is ok with that situation
The wife does the groceries from her check and sometimes asks for top up for the groceries and her hair sometimes
Then there’s’ this unique situation which seems to be the norm in many families
Finances are not discussed or pooled but each knows what to expect the other to do
Arguments spark when a party tries to get the other to spend their check n what the other expects the other’s to take care of
Examples:
The wife asks for money to get her hair done
The hubby will flare that she’s spent her money on unnecessary things and she should spend her money more wisely
The hubby asks the wife for top up for the fees
She’ll flare that hers is not to take care of the family but his duty
Quaint, isn’t it all.
It’s sad that an area so important is not given the attention it requires to avoid unnecessary arguments that may end up being the reason for the breakup.
What brought this on?
The man who expects the wife to foot the child’s school bill without any prior agreement or understanding
I think the problem is that nothing was said about finances and who foots what bill
There was an unspoken arrangement and this time one party is trying to change the way “the world works”
My two cents on finances in marriage
Talk about them
Even before marriage
I think it’s the best time to find out what the other party views as being their responsibility and slowly get to a point where you can actually come to a conclusion on how you wish to manage finance in the marriage
It shouldn’t be anything contractual but having a base point to both be coming from when you do get to argue is better than just shouting your expectations and what the norm has been when your partner decides to change “the” rules without notice.
I’m chuffed that I’m actually sounding like a “Dear aunt X” column somewhere
I just may have a future there